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Hodag 2008

Tom Tribute

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Dougie, you have won the lottery of life and convinced Shelly to be your wife. Will you love, comfort, and cherish her as your partner in marriage?

DOUGIE: Yes

MINISTER: Shelly, you have lost the lottery of life and settled for Dougie to be your husband. Will you love, comfort, and cherish him as your partner in marriage?

SHELLY: Yes

MINISTER: Will you now please join hands and give the vows you have prepared for each other

We will begin with the vows Shelly has prepared for Dougie…  Shelly please repeat after me:

SHELLY:

1. I promise to care for you in sickness and in health
Unless your farts gets so gross that I'll have to hire someone to do it for me

2. I promise to love you when you are old and gray
Which is an easy one to keep considering you're already bald and use Viagra

3. I promise to stop sleeping with other men
Unless it's in the "Nappin Cabin"

4. I promise to be faithful
Unless a Joe makes me an offer I can't refuse

5. I promise to fulfill all of your bedroom fantasies
Except the one where I strap one on and pretend to play foosball with you

All of these vows I assure you I'll keep...because you have a job and can cook

DOUGIE:

1. I promise to care for you in sickness and in health
Unless it gets so gross that I'll have to hire someone to do it for me

2. I promise to love you when you are old and gray
Which is an easy one to keep considering you're halfway there already

3. I promise not to come home drunk and horney
Any more than 2 or 3 days a week

4. I promise not to spend all weekend playing foosball
Unless it's a round-robin tournament

5. I promise to be faithful
Unless my foosball partner makes me an offer I can't refuse

All of these vows I assure you I'll keep...
Because if I bring my foosball partner to Hodag everyone will make fun of me